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Young, Bored and Floundering

Marilyn Monroe once said, “I wasn’t the prettiest; I wasn’t the most talented. I simply wanted it more than anyone else.”

“I envy Marilyn Monroe,” grumbled 23-year-old Alyssa. “I’m totally bored with my job and have no idea about what I want to do.”

“No idea at all?” I inquired.

“Well, I have a few things I think I’d like to do. But once I’m home from work I sink into the couch and don’t get up till hours later.”

“What do you think you might want to do?” I prodded.

“Oh, nothing much. I have a little interest in fashion and I like sports but I have no real talent in any area.”

“So, what could you do to develop any little talent you may have?” I asked.

“What are you talking about? I told you I don’t have any talent,” she barked.

“Maybe yes, maybe no,” I responded. “Without experience and training, you can’t really pass judgment on that.”

“Well, I have no idea how to get that, so I guess I’m just stuck here with my lousy life.”

This discourse with Alyssa got me reflecting on how many people (young and not so young) are bored, cynical and floundering. Many never get out of the starting gate to identify any interest or pursue any talent.

If you, like Alyssa, have such a lack of trust in yourself that you don’t do anything beyond what you “have to do”, here is some advice for you.

• Quit comparing yourself to the best. You don’t need to reach for the brass ring in order to get started. In any new field of endeavor, you’re a beginner. Let yourself be one.
• Take sides – your own that is. Don’t belittle yourself. Don’t call yourself names. It’s okay to laugh good-naturedly at your mistakes or delusions of grandeur but don’t ridicule yourself.
• Keep doing what you enjoy doing, even if there’s no reward or immediate benefit from it. Avoid sitting on the sidelines, bemoaning your circumstances without taking any action to improve your lot in life.
• Learn to tolerate feelings of inadequacy. There are days when you’ll feel incredibly stupid and not up to doing a decent job on even the simplest task. This is a “bad day”. Do not make it into a life position.
• Allow your interests to emerge in their own way. Don’t try to make them fit into the box you originally thought they’d be in. An interest in fashion may not get played out as a clothes designer, but may work as a personal shopper.
• Take heart, late bloomers. Perhaps you’ve been too busy making a living or raising a family to let your interests blossom. It’s not too late to marshal those desires. So, take a risk. Do something out-of-the-ordinary. Go ahead. Make your children roll their eyes.

Now, get up off the couch, move away from the computer and get going!

Copyright 2009:  Linda Sapadin, Ph.D.  is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior.

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