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January: The End is Just The Beginning

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Whatever Works

We can be so smart, believing we know just the right way to handle things, that is until we actually find ourselves immersed in the situation. Then, things first begin to get complicated.

Take for example, being a parent. Before you had kids, chances are you had some pretty strong ideas about how you would raise your kids. Lucky you. You were blessed with ignorance.

Now, that you are older and wiser, however, you probably know the following:
Despite your absolutes about you would raise your kids, you now know that family life often boils down to creating compromises so that things get done and the little people as well as the big people get their needs met.

You now know that the choices you make are often not the best. Why? Because you recognize that you live in a world in which you don’t have the power to make the rules that you must abide by. If you did, you wouldn’t even think about giving your kids homework to do on the weekends nor would you schedule one kid’s activity to directly conflict with another’s.

Family life, from afar, may seem to be delightful. Yet, you now know that it is better described as chaotic, especially during certain cycles. There’s certainly the external chaos – (the “stuff”, the mess, the toys, the moods). But there’s also the internal chaos (the schedules, the pressures, the worries, the things to remember and do). And always, always, something will slip through the cracks.

You now acknowledge that the desire to create order is a constant struggle. You thought that housekeeping was difficult before kids – ha! Now, despite having lowered your expectations, it’s still a struggle to create a system of order and organization so that your home feels comfortable to live in and it’s not constant chaos when important things can’t be located.

Now that you’re getting smarter by the day, you also know that your wish to impose order in your life is not only about housekeeping. It’s also about not losing yourself. You want to feel on top of things as a human being, not just as a parent. It’s a struggle to organize your time so that the day does not slip away without doing something for yourself that enhances your marriage as well as your own personal and professional growth.

As a mature person who has sophistication and depth, you appreciate how infinitely complex family life is. Though you struggle to integrate your principles with your actions, you also appreciate that the best solution to a real life predicament is often -- “whatever works”.

When you hear others speak critically about something you’re doing, you will smile serenely. You may or may not respond to the remark. Nevertheless, you will know that to be absolutely certain about some things, you must, in the end, know very little about it.

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