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The End is Just The Beginning
An old year has ended. A new year has begun. And it’s likely that in the year 2010, there will be changes that you’d like to make. Though a few of the changes may be easy, most will be difficult. And the toughest will be changing ingrained personality patterns.
As I’m sure you know, you can’t just snap your fingers and say goodbye to patterns that have become a part of you, even when those patterns are self-defeating. You may wish it could be easier. You may become impatient, giving yourself a good scold: "Just do it! Just make it happen!" Oh, how I hate the word “just” when it’s applied to change. We don’t change “just” because someone (even ourselves) wants us to.
However, the opposite idea is also flawed. Chase away those demons that tell you that you can’t change: it’s too hard, it’s not in your DNA, it requires too much effort. Such a mindset will sabotage your efforts before you even begin. Though it’s true that “you are who you are” and that your personality structure “is what it is”, it’s not true that you can’t modify, alter, or tweak many aspects of how you think, speak and act (or don’t act).
Adopting new ways doesn't always come comfortably at first. You may well experience resistance to change. But if you think about change as an opportunity to grow, not as an unwanted burden, amazing things can happen. I like Muhammad Ali’s take on it when he said:
“A man who views the world the same at fifty
as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.”
You may have a lot of years to go till you reach 50, or you may be well beyond 50. No matter. We all grow older. After all, that doesn’t take ability or competence. But if as you grow older, you grow wiser, that’s truly something to celebrate!
As we move into the year 2010, I hope you are already noticing positive changes in yourself, perhaps some sparked by reading this newsletter throughout the year. For, as Oliver Wendell Holmes wrote, “One's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions."
I hope the change you want for yourself continues. And I hope you maintain an optimistic lookout and don’t get down on yourself by believing that because everything hasn’t changed, nothing has changed. Though in our media age we are predisposed to high drama, know that change need not be dramatic to be significant. Even moderate change can reap meaningful benefits.
And here’s the best news of all. The bpayoff of changing a self-defeating pattern will not be limited to one area of your life. Change that enhances your well-being can also enrich your relationships, empower your career and increase your self-confidence and improve your health. What a payoff!
Copyright 2009: Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior.
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