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Achievement Wears Many Faces
We take great pride in the many activities and pursuits that our kids are involved in. They are smart, skilled, and talented. Yet in those few quiet moments when parents take the time to reflect on life’s meaning, many admit that they have serious reservations about the emphasis on high achievement, nonstop scheduled activities and the acquisitive nature of their young.
Here are what two distraught, worried parents say:
“Life has become too serious. We don’t have much fun together anymore. Our time is spent with each kid going off in a different direction with some “necessary” activity. I’m spending way too much time shouting at them to get a move on so that they will be ready for their next venture. When I reflect on what I thought parenthood would be like, high on the list was a shared memory of family dinner time with engaging conversations about our respective day. That reflection seems antiquated now. Family dinner has faded from our lives, replaced with gulping down food while making haste to get to another place.”
“With the advance of cell phones, there’s no doubt that my daughter and I talk more frequently with each other. Yet, ironically, I believe that we are increasingly out of touch with each other. Our conversations, if you can call them that, are about where she is, what time I need to pick her up or what I need to buy her. One thing that really bothers me about her is that she can’t tolerate being inconvenienced. Yet, she doesn’t reflect on how her needs inconvenience me. Our family time together revolves around watching her “do her thing”. Although she is 12 years old and bright as a whip, I sometimes think she should be repeating kindergarten so that she can learn more about how to “share with others”.
If you are fooling yourself by pretending that you can raise kids who are over scheduled, over achieving and over demanding without paying a price, you are dead wrong. Sure, you can take pride in your children’s activities and achievements. But if you are consistently indulging your kids in a fantasy world in which their needs are paramount, superseding your own as well as being overly narcissistic, then watch out! The consequences will haunt you.
Achievement wears many faces. Here are a few you should never forget:
- Achieving well in school is not the same as achieving a good life.
- People will forget what your grades were, they will forget what award you received, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
- Great achievers are those who not only do well but also appreciate that a supporting cast of characters got them where they are today.
- Enjoying many activities is a blessing; tripping over your own arrogance while immersed in those activities is a curse.
Life usually gives us a second chance to correct the mistakes we have already made.
Parents, if you have made a mistake by being overly focused on your child’s achievements without teaching him (or her) respect, consideration and appreciation for others, there’s still time to do so.
If you have overestimated the importance of your child’s activities while underestimating the value of family togetherness, there’s still time to make a change that will be beneficial to all.
Copyright 2005
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